On Friday my conversation teacher asked us how we were feeling halfway through the course. While my vocabulary has picked up in leaps and bounds, I couldn't really describe in Spanish what I have really learned in the past two weeks. Por ejemplo:
I left the United States just a little over two weeks ago feeling like I was running on fumes—dry, empty, thirsty. I felt far away from God, not knowing if I was hearing from him, and many times in the past few months I wondered if what I was doing was what he wanted me to do. As I sat in the airport waiting for my flight, watching the CNN coverage on Michael Jackson, I half-heartedly asked God to fill me up while I was in Costa Rica. I say half-heartedly because, honestly, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hear his response.
Well, you know how you’ll answer your cell in the middle of happy hour and have to walk outside to try to make out what your friend is screaming at you on the other end? And once you’re finally removed from the clinking glasses and blaring ESPN SportCenter, your friend’s voice comes ringing clear.
Going to Costa Rica has been like going outside the bar to answer the phone, and aside from learning Spanish, I think I’ve been spending the past two weeks becoming reacquainted with God’s voice and the way he talks to me. It’s been like hanging out with old high school friends after some years of not keeping in touch, and hearing how clearly he speaks to me and seeing how much he still knows and understands me brings me to tears.
At the H13 worship conference last weekend, the pastor of youth at La Viña del Este talked about one of the Greek words translated as “worship” in the Bible—proskuneo, which means to “turn around and kiss”. He gave the example of a man in love with his wife, who turns around to kiss her, gives her all of his attention and energy, sets aside time to be with her alone. His actions tell her, "You're all I have." The message was a bit of a wake-up call for me.
Proskuneo. God’s been showing me how clearly I can hear him and understand him when I set aside time for him, just me and him, and he shows me what he can do when I turn to him and say, “Help, God—you’re all I have” and let go of my distractions. How much he just wants me to hang out with him like Mary, and how much I have been a Martha in the past few months!
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5 comments:
ooh - i love that about "turn around and kiss". i think i needed to hear that, too. thanks, geneva!
and i loved your description of the soccer breaks. sounds awesome.
still wish i was with you!
Who is Kir?
Anyway, it was a beautiful entry. I enjoyed it. Here's a quote from Rich Mullins:
I’m all the time being asked by people, ‘How do ya feel closer to God.’ And I kinda always want to say ‘I don’t know.’ When I read the lives of most of the great saints they didn’t necessarily feel very close to God. When I read the Psalms I get the feeling like David and the other Psalmists felt quite far away from God for most of the time. Closeness to God is not about feelings, closeness to God is about obedience… I don’t know how you feel close to God. And no one I know that seems to be close to God knows anything about those feelings either. I know if we obey occasionally the feeling follows, not always, but occasionally. I know that if we disobey we don’t have a shot at it.
* Lufkin, Texas (July 19, 1997)
Oh, Genie! I love it all, and I love how well you describe it. So refreshing. I can't wait to hear in person.
beautiful...i guess jesus and i have been kissing in singapore... :) love you friend
Victor - in case you look at this again, I'm one of Geneva's roommates from Rice, Kirstin. :)
-kir
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